I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
