I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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