Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
