i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
