But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
