How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
