I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
