flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
