you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
