I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I deserve this hangover.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
