After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
