Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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