trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
