My nipple is on Facebook.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize