my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
