I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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