She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
