Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
