literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize