I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
