Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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