I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
