My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
