I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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