guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
