Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
