That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
3 2 1 whiskey
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
