You know, be my cock's hype man.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
