Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
