I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
