After last night, I could never be a politician.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
