you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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