Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
