I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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