Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
