i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
