Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
should my penis look like a turkey
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize