getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
