Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So squirting runs in the family.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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