there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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