I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
