Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He shit in the fireplace
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
