he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
