Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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