our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
