You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
