I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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