my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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