why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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