we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
