the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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