remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
