I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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