You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
