lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
