just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
