i just wanna soil my oats bro
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
