Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize