Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
