dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
