Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
