I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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