then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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