I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
