you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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