I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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