he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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