I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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