i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
