My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
