saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
