I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
