Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
