someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
