1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
