did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
