i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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