I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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