(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
should my penis look like a turkey
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
