never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
